The best compliment I ever received

Photo by stefan moertl on Unsplash

I turned 36 a few weeks ago, receiving the best compliment as a gift from a friend and colleague. 

“thank you for being a phenomenal mentor, friend, and unapologetically you.” they wrote to me.

I felt proud that in only a few months of knowing me, that person had seen me, truly. 

Being unapologetically you means becoming conscious of the pursuit of yourself, stripping back all the layers of who society taught you to be, and truly opening up to your true self. 

Being unapologetically you means no longer feeling the need to hide or be who you think other people want you to be, and it’s about you no longer holding yourself back from fully expressing yourself due to the fear of being judged. 

Being unapologetically you means validating yourself and being so accepting of yourself that you no longer need to seek any outside validation or approval to feel good enough or worthy.

Being unapologetically you means releasing the weight of people and their opinions off your shoulders as you begin to live your life differently and it feels liberating. 

I’ve been a shapeshifter for most of my life, or what people call a people-pleaser. But unfortunately, in that process, I lost myself. For years, I had no idea who I was at the core, with no frame of my own. Instead, I was conditioned by family, school, friends, lovers, and what society had taught me. 

I had so much conditioning I had taken on as my truth. The moment I became conscious about the conditioning holding me back and when I decided to address it was the moment I finally became free. 

I realized that I had nothing to apologize for. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had nothing to hide. I just had so many sides of myself yet to embrace. I realized that my actions and behaviors triggered some people, not because I was rude, but because they had some unhealed narratives to process within themselves.

So how did I learn to be unapologetically myself?

#1 Embrace yourself.
Stop saying I’m sorry for being too quiet, being too loud, being sensitive, having boundaries, saying no to something, wanting more in life, and showing your feelings. Every time you apologize for who you are, you are, in essence implying that there is something wrong with who you are. Apologizing for who you are is also tied to self-worth and not feeling good enough, which stems from a wound.

#2 Choose you.
Put yourself first, always. Make your daily decisions for yourself, not to meet anyone else’s needs or wants. It’s so easy to get caught up with the demands of other people and, at the same time, lose yourself. Stop pleasing anyone else but yourself. This one is difficult for many people, as it’s so deeply ingrained in us to be liked and accepted by people. 

#3 Protect your space and energy.
An essential part of being your unapologetic self is setting boundaries and clear expectations. It means you refuse to shape-shift and compromise who you are to conform. Protect your time and energy because they are your most valuable assets. You need to fill your cup first. 

#4 Work on the fear of being seen, rejected and judged.
Because often, these are what make us hide in the shadows or dim our lights. These fears keep us from showing up as our true authentic selves. These fears often stem from childhood experiences and societal conditioning. So ask yourself: what are you afraid of by running away from who you are?