My battle with mental health and bipolar disorder has been a silent battle for a long time.
At my darkest, I sat in my room in complete silence. I was alone in my own tangled thoughts. No one could see into the window of my soul. I hid my pain and it well. I buried it deep within; I kept a wall up so the world could not get in. I felt like screaming. I felt like I was going mad. In silence, I suffered. I wandered through the darkness, searching for a glimpse of light to shine into my life. We don’t talk about mental health enough. Mental health in Lebanon or elsewhere is not a priority. Lack of awareness perpetuates the stigma around mental illness, which stops people from receiving treatment. It even prevents them from talking about their feelings as they fail to be validated by others. Another reason why mental illness goes untreated is that many cannot afford it. And those who are aware and can afford it keep it quiet. Bipolar disorder is a severe mental illness that can be difficult to manage. Those with bipolar disorder often suffer in silence because they don't want to burden others with their problems. The stigma surrounding mental illness can make it difficult for those with bipolar disorder to seek help or treatment and make people feel isolated and alone. It's important to remember that you're not alone and others understand what you're going through. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and asking for help is okay. Many resources are available to help people with mental illness, including support groups, therapy, and medication. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, don't hesitate to seek help. The bipolar disorder diagnosis can be daunting, but many people living with this condition are highly functional and successful. It takes a lot of courage and patience to face mental illness head-on, but it is worth it. Patience is vital when dealing with bipolar disorder because the ups and downs can be very unpredictable. You never know when you might have a manic or depressive episode, so it's essential to be prepared for anything. Bravery is also essential because mental illness can be incredibly isolating. It can be tempting to withdraw from friends and family, but reaching out for help and support is necessary. It took a while for me to see and believe, but I know now some understand and will take the time to take me by the hand to listen to my inner pain. We can’t hide behind our mask of despair, and we can’t hide away forever. I will not hide behind a painted smile anymore. I will not suffer alone in silence, not one more day. I am no longer confined to the inner turmoil in my mind. My silence is not madness. My silence was fear, fear of rejection, and the unknown. Not anymore. I broke the wall. Silence sets us apart from the world we live in, from a life we all deserve. So step out from your dark shadows, and show the world who you are and what you have to offer. Lift your eyes upward. There is hope. The light has returned to my once dimmed eyes. How about you? How do you deal with the stigma of mental health? Join the discussion in the community.
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We feel caged by society's expectations of us and the limitations of our environment, yet the hardest cages to break out of are our thoughts.
Some cages are imposed upon us by the thoughts and ideas of those around us, and other times we put ourselves into them willingly. So we can avoid discomfort, pain, suffering, change, growth, and rebirth. Sometimes they can even be helpful, but other times they do nothing but hold us back. The steel cages often tell us who to be, where to live, what we “should” do for a living, how to behave, and even who to like or dislike. These limitations can restrict our learning and development, robbing us of opportunities for personal growth and exploration. They dictate how we see and interact with the world around us. Learning to break free from these mental limitations can open up new opportunities for ourselves. Challenging ourselves regularly is critical in expanding our horizons and helps us live a more fulfilling life. However, breaking free from our comfort zones can be scary at first, but it is ultimately worth it if it means living a fuller life. We may leave jobs, countries, and relationships only to find ourselves in the same place. Wherever we go, there we are, goes the saying. We can't run from our problems - we must face them head-on. Even if it means admitting that we're wrong or need help, we must take the first step in fixing our problems. Sometimes, the only way to break free is to make a radical change. Whether it's quitting your job, moving away from your family and friends, or changing your whole lifestyle, starting from scratch is the only way to get out of a bad situation. Even if we think we're escaping our past, it always has a way of catching up with us. Whether it's something someone said to us years ago or an event that happened recently, memories never really die - they linger until we deal with them. The best way to deal with our demons is to confront them directly. By facing what bothers us head-on instead of trying to run away from it, we can start working through these issues and eventually become stronger on the other side. Only by accepting ourselves can we hope to break free from our self-imposed prisons. But, if all we do is try hard not to make mistakes and conform entirely to society's expectations, those expectations will eventually wear us down. We will end up in the same place we started - stuck in a rut because we didn't learn how to break free. We still have to deal with our limitations and the blocks that we were creating within our minds. I was always very independent and didn't particularly appreciate feeling constrained or limited. When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was tough to accept that there were now things that I couldn't do and would need continuous support. It took me a long time to come to terms with my new reality, but eventually, I realized that my limitations didn't have to define me or my life. Instead, I decided to focus on what I could do and find ways to work around my limitations. And slowly but surely, I started to feel like myself again - even though my life was now different than it had been before. For me, these limitations pertained to my self-confidence and self-worth—how I thought about myself and what I believed about my ability to go after what I wanted and succeed. In perpetually thinking I couldn’t do things I wanted to and wasn’t worthy of them, I paralyzed myself with fear. Growing up, I was always a shy and introverted child. I felt I could never really measure up to my extroverted and confident peers, leading to significant self-confidence and self-worth issues. As a result, I feared going after what I wanted or pursuing my dreams. These limitations crippled my life and prevented me from achieving my deserved success. It wasn't until recently that I started working on breaking free from these limitations. In doing so, I finally believed in myself enough to pursue my dreams and achieve success. For many years the outward journey did the trick for me. I changed jobs, countries, and relationships. It gave a respite to my soul, although I did not have the understanding to recognize it at the time. However, I realized that the outward journey was only taking me so far and that I needed to focus on my inward journey. Once I started focusing on my inward journey, I began to feel more connected to myself. By learning to break free from what was holding me back, I could create a more fulfilling life for myself. I have found that, ultimately, the inner journey leads to lasting freedom. I was always a rebellious person, even from a young age. It caused me many problems in my life, as I often got into trouble because I wouldn't say I liked being told what to do. It wasn't until I began my inner journey that I realized that my need for freedom was a need for inner peace. Once I found this inner peace, I could break free from my past patterns of rebellion and create my path in life. Now, whenever I feel lost or confused, I remember that the only thing I need to do is look within myself for the answers. And this is always true whether things are going well or not- the journey itself is what leads to lasting freedom. Freedom truly is in mind. If you feel caged in yours, remember presence is the key. Learning to break free from my mental limitations was a huge turning point in my life. Before this, I had been living in a world of my own making, where I was always the controller. I thought I was in control of everything and everyone around me, but I was holding myself back. It's easy to get caught up in our thoughts and feelings and forget that we're not trapped in them. When we're stuck in our heads, it feels like obstacles surround us – but we're only feeling this way because we're focusing on the wrong things. So instead of worrying about what other people are doing or thinking about us, focus on your present surroundings and take time for yourself. Once I realized I could choose how to react to my thoughts and emotions, I felt like a new person. Suddenly, life felt much more manageable and livable. This newfound freedom has allowed me to acknowledge my dreams (both big and small) and live a much more balanced life overall. If you find yourself constantly bogged down by your negative thoughts or feelings – try reminding yourself that you have control over your response, no matter what happens next. This newfound freedom has allowed me to pursue my dreams (both big and small) and live a much happier life overall. If you find yourself constantly bogged down by your negative thoughts or feelings – try reminding yourself that you have control over your response, no matter what happens next. How about you? How do you cultivate your freedom? Join the discussion in the community. There’s something strangely attractive about the stereotype of the crazy artist. Few may admit it, but the idea that van Gogh’s madness fueled his brilliance offers much hope that their demons can produce something beautiful.
The exact relationship between creativity, mental illness, and psychiatric medications are still largely inconclusive and controversial. It becomes more complex when you consider that creativity is sometimes a symptom of mental illness, like in the case of mania and bipolar disorder. I’m an artist and a writer and have been both for most of my life. And if I’m being candid, much of my earliest art (at least that which doesn’t make me cringe when I look at it) was a product of mania. I was unmedicated, and the elevated mood took unbridled hold on me across the years, causing me to pirouette my way across many late nights, start a plethora of novels, and paint my pain away. It seemed muses were inexhaustible and that ubiquitous “creative spark” was an undying blaze. After my diagnosis, I believed I wasn’t a good artist; I convinced myself I just got lucky across my episodes. But as time passed, I adjusted to the medication and found the right therapist. As a result, I feel stable, and inspiration is starting to knock on the door. When I began getting back in touch with my artsy side, I realized I still have it in me, always have, even in my healthy periods. Mania might provide a surge of ideas and the laser focus and drive to make those ideas a tangible reality. It does not, however, provide innate talent or a deep-seated passion. I have been writing since I could clutch a pen in my little fist and scribble on a page. When I’m in an episode, there’s no way I can concentrate on a piece long enough to make it coherent and well-written. I waltz from project to project, and my mind is spinning too fast to ensure the storm I’m typing up is solid and making sense. However, this is not to say that my mental struggles haven’t inspired my creativity. Most of my writings are inspired by my experiences during episodes and wouldn’t be there if I didn’t have a life riddled with mental health issues. We have bought the idea that medication will dull our sparkle and erase our edge — that it will flatten us, level us out to the point of having no shine at all to our spirits, and live out our days in anonymity and uselessness. We think medication will cause our muses to flee. This is a lie. Before I found the proper medication for my bipolar diagnosis, I was scattered. I had started a couple of novels and a few articles but nothing more. I was busy just trying to survive. However, the year after I got on the proper medication, I consistently published articles on this blog weekly. Finding the proper medication will not dull you. Instead, it may focus your energies, making you more productive than relentless mania and depression. It may spur you on to greater heights of creativity and progress. I learned that people with bipolar disorder have unique experiences that may offer us different emotional and intellectual perspectives on the world. Although we may associate heightened creativity with mania, it is possible to enhance or explore our creativity while supporting our well-being and maintaining a treatment plan for bipolar disorder. Bipolar therapy must include a therapeutic discussion of all creative issues and a developed plan to help us maintain mood stability while retaining and ultimately enhancing our creative abilities. This starts with redefining what the creative process is all about. Energy alone is not creativity. It’s simply the body's fuel being used up at an accelerated pace. The concept of the creative process acknowledges the need for a developing skill set and a formulated plan using the plotting of time as an essential ingredient. It also requires ongoing learning and skill refinement toward an appropriate level of success. This is best achieved through bipolar therapy in the post-stabilization phase when medications and overall treatment are set for long-term maintenance. Having once been so scared that I would lose my entire sense of self, I discovered that a stable life — a balanced life — actually feels like me and that I am, indeed, at the core, an artist and a writer. How about you? How do you nurture your creativity? Join the discussion in the community. I was raised in a “suck it up culture.”
When faced with difficulties, from scratching our knees or narrowly escaping car bombs, we were told to get up, dust off and move. The tenacity and grit of that upbringing have served me, but I didn’t learn how to deal with uncertainty or manage emotional risk. The only thing worse than the pain itself is feeling as though your pain has been invalidated. I spent many years trying to outsmart vulnerability by making things sure and definite. But unfortunately, my inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of beautiful experiences that come with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity. But as Brené Brown has shown in her research, courage is born out of vulnerability, not strength. Brown suggests that, inherently, humans are vulnerable creatures. To allow ourselves to be vulnerable is, therefore, to be authentically ourselves and be more self-aware about who we are and the emotions we feel – and that’s no easy task. When we are so busy trying to be perfect, we lose sight of who we are, and it is challenging to thrive when we don’t connect to ourselves. Instead, Brown demonstrates that there is power in being ourselves, imperfections and all. To be vulnerable is to show up, in all our imperfections, ready to take on the world. When we show up, through and despite our fear and shame, or in other words, our vulnerabilities, we are teaching ourselves to be more resilient to these emotions. We’re hesitant to make ourselves vulnerable for a few reasons: Fear of Judgement — When we show people who we are, we open the door to them disapproving, thinking we’re weird, or slapping us with some other less-than-flattering label. Fear of Rejection — If we tell someone how we feel and they feel differently, we take it personally. No one particularly likes rejection, but to avoid it, is a directive of the ego. Furthermore, it messes with our perception of who we are. Fear of Appearing Weak or Losing our Power — We like to maintain control over our situations. Once you’ve made yourself vulnerable to someone, you’ve entrusted them with a bit of that power. When I was younger, I was more open and free. I shared all of myself with others. As I grew and matured, however, I learned that the world could be a harrowing place. I learned that not everyone is on my side and not all situations will go my way. Over time, then, I learned to protect myself. It might mean that I’ve built walls around my heart, convinced myself that I never really loved the person who hurt me anyway and became practiced in the art of denial. Even worse, I started to believe and internalize negative thoughts and feelings about myself. As I searched for answers to life's hurts, I may have even begun to think I was responsible for them. Although this might seem normal and natural, it’s also self-defeating. Learning from past mistakes and striving for personal growth are essential. However, it is equally important to learn to forgive my lapses. How often are we quick to forgive someone else's mistake, or even evil behavior, while continuing to beat ourselves up for an error we made? Likewise, building walls creates a safe space into which we can quickly retreat, but it also blocks the flow of energy and love in both directions. It is easy to become trapped behind our emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive and negative emotions. It leaves many of us feeling isolated and alone. One way to reduce self-isolation and the fear of vulnerability is to embrace our authentic selves. We have been hurt before, so we seek to minimize the risk of being hurt again. However, the best way to reduce the potential damage is not to build walls or try to act according to some self-created checklist. To best way to do this is to learn to love yourself unapologetically. Loving myself is one of the most arduous journeys I have ever faced. Everyone has flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories, and past mistakes they wish they could forget. People are insecure, awkward, and desperately hoping they can change certain things. That's human nature. The trick is to realize that everyone feels this way. No matter how successful, beautiful, or perfect someone appears, they all have the same awkwardness, insecurity, and self-doubt. Learning to love yourself begins by acknowledging yourself as a whole human being—flaws, imperfections, and all. Own and embrace your past mistakes, but realize that they don't define your present or future. Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, and then move on. Forgive yourself. While this is often easier said than done, moving forward, try to live by a few simple truths:
In life, vulnerability removes barriers, enabling us to form vital, more authentic connections while experiencing living to its fullest. Vulnerability is not weakness but strength. And it is very much a part of existence. It is the ability to expose who we are and what we do and to challenge ourselves and how we live while making room for growth. How about you? How do you embrace vulnerability? Join the discussion in the community. |
AuthorI was born in 1986 in Lebanon. I'm still trying to find my passion in life and in the meantime I'm learning to navigate my bipolarity and redefining stability. Archives
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