*Disclaimer: I am currently not in a depressive state, but some days feel like that, and getting out of bed and into the world is sometimes challenging.
Morning. My alarm is painful. I’ve already snoozed half a dozen times. I need to get up. I put my feet on the floor. My mind cycles through a dozen excuses. Reasons to stay in bed. None stick. The days change, but the routine remains. I stand up. Yesterday’s clothes are in a pile by the bed. Those will do. When was the last time I showered? I’m not sure it matters. I manage clean underwear, but being naked feels awful. Plus, it’s cold. The bed was so warm. My T-shirt doesn’t smell fresh, but it’s not stale either. I pick up my jeans. This is it. If I put them on, I have to start my day. That’s the agreement. The impossibility of living haunts my mornings. The jeans are comfy, at least. I’ve worn them every day for two months now. Washing them would rinse away all their power. That’s what I tell myself. That’s the agreement. I wrap up in a hoodie. It’s a reluctant progression. I’d rather be wrapped in my duvet. My bed is calling. It’s safe there. Warm. I could crawl back in. Exhausted, I climb back into bed. Hopefully, I’ll feel more up to the world soon. I’ll try again tomorrow.
0 Comments
|
AuthorI was born in 1986 in Lebanon. I'm still trying to find my passion in life and in the meantime I'm learning to navigate my bipolarity and redefining stability. Archives
February 2024
Categories
All
|