I was raised in a “suck it up culture.”
When faced with difficulties, from scratching our knees or narrowly escaping car bombs, we were told to get up, dust off and move. The tenacity and grit of that upbringing have served me, but I didn’t learn how to deal with uncertainty or manage emotional risk. The only thing worse than the pain itself is feeling as though your pain has been invalidated. I spent many years trying to outsmart vulnerability by making things sure and definite. But unfortunately, my inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of beautiful experiences that come with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity. But as Brené Brown has shown in her research, courage is born out of vulnerability, not strength. Brown suggests that, inherently, humans are vulnerable creatures. To allow ourselves to be vulnerable is, therefore, to be authentically ourselves and be more self-aware about who we are and the emotions we feel – and that’s no easy task. When we are so busy trying to be perfect, we lose sight of who we are, and it is challenging to thrive when we don’t connect to ourselves. Instead, Brown demonstrates that there is power in being ourselves, imperfections and all. To be vulnerable is to show up, in all our imperfections, ready to take on the world. When we show up, through and despite our fear and shame, or in other words, our vulnerabilities, we are teaching ourselves to be more resilient to these emotions. We’re hesitant to make ourselves vulnerable for a few reasons: Fear of Judgement — When we show people who we are, we open the door to them disapproving, thinking we’re weird, or slapping us with some other less-than-flattering label. Fear of Rejection — If we tell someone how we feel and they feel differently, we take it personally. No one particularly likes rejection, but to avoid it, is a directive of the ego. Furthermore, it messes with our perception of who we are. Fear of Appearing Weak or Losing our Power — We like to maintain control over our situations. Once you’ve made yourself vulnerable to someone, you’ve entrusted them with a bit of that power. When I was younger, I was more open and free. I shared all of myself with others. As I grew and matured, however, I learned that the world could be a harrowing place. I learned that not everyone is on my side and not all situations will go my way. Over time, then, I learned to protect myself. It might mean that I’ve built walls around my heart, convinced myself that I never really loved the person who hurt me anyway and became practiced in the art of denial. Even worse, I started to believe and internalize negative thoughts and feelings about myself. As I searched for answers to life's hurts, I may have even begun to think I was responsible for them. Although this might seem normal and natural, it’s also self-defeating. Learning from past mistakes and striving for personal growth are essential. However, it is equally important to learn to forgive my lapses. How often are we quick to forgive someone else's mistake, or even evil behavior, while continuing to beat ourselves up for an error we made? Likewise, building walls creates a safe space into which we can quickly retreat, but it also blocks the flow of energy and love in both directions. It is easy to become trapped behind our emotional defenses, unable to give or receive positive and negative emotions. It leaves many of us feeling isolated and alone. One way to reduce self-isolation and the fear of vulnerability is to embrace our authentic selves. We have been hurt before, so we seek to minimize the risk of being hurt again. However, the best way to reduce the potential damage is not to build walls or try to act according to some self-created checklist. To best way to do this is to learn to love yourself unapologetically. Loving myself is one of the most arduous journeys I have ever faced. Everyone has flaws, imperfections, embarrassing stories, and past mistakes they wish they could forget. People are insecure, awkward, and desperately hoping they can change certain things. That's human nature. The trick is to realize that everyone feels this way. No matter how successful, beautiful, or perfect someone appears, they all have the same awkwardness, insecurity, and self-doubt. Learning to love yourself begins by acknowledging yourself as a whole human being—flaws, imperfections, and all. Own and embrace your past mistakes, but realize that they don't define your present or future. Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, and then move on. Forgive yourself. While this is often easier said than done, moving forward, try to live by a few simple truths:
In life, vulnerability removes barriers, enabling us to form vital, more authentic connections while experiencing living to its fullest. Vulnerability is not weakness but strength. And it is very much a part of existence. It is the ability to expose who we are and what we do and to challenge ourselves and how we live while making room for growth. How about you? How do you embrace vulnerability? Join the discussion in the community.
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AuthorI was born in 1986 in Lebanon. I'm still trying to find my passion in life and in the meantime I'm learning to navigate my bipolarity and redefining stability. Archives
February 2024
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