I have bipolar and a full-time high-intensity job.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

In October 2018, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I after a massive mixed episode with psychotic features. I took a couple of months of break from my freelance work as a communications consultant to take the time to recover fully. When I felt ready, I took on a couple of projects, much less than my usual workload. I was still recovering and wanted to take the time to understand my diagnosis better. I also now had a secret: I have a mental illness like millions of other humans from around the planet. 

The most frustrating thing isn’t even that I have to live with a mental illness. No, the most frustrating part of my situation is that I can count on one hand the number of people who know about my mental illness. The stigma surrounding mental health is suffocating, and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with most of my friends and family, and certainly not with freelance clients.

But my illness is a massive part of my daily life. To manage my illness, I go to therapy every week and make sure I go to my psychiatrist every other month after work—often rescheduling and putting it off a week because a meeting or conference call comes up. 

I mainly just want to tell my friends. I feel awkward even around my close friends who do know. They get quiet and nod their heads, trying to understand—and I love them for that. But from the outside, they can’t fully understand. I’m 35, and after many trials and tribulations as a freelancer, I now have a full-time job at an excellent company. I come from a nice neighborhood. I lead what appears to be a typical thirtysomething life. But how could everything not be perfect?

My doctor said I need to see this like having diabetes—it is a lifelong chronic illness that I just have to manage. Instead of insulin, it’s daily meds, therapy, ensuring I get enough sleep, avoiding alcohol, and limiting high-stress situations. For example, when I go to work dinners, it’s awkward not to partake in the drinking going around—I often end up drinking at least one glass, even knowing that it could set off a hypomanic or depressive episode. The constant balancing act of managing my illness and keeping people from knowing about it creates stress, further compounding the issue.

I was lucky to sit down with my boss and explain my illness, the precautions I needed to take, and how lessening that stress would make me a better employee. As a result, I have thrived at my job in the last three years, taken on new responsibilities, got promoted, and managed a growing team with the constant support and open communication established with my boss. 

Some of the things that have helped me stay focused and productive in this new world include:

#1 Following a routine
Managing the anxiety associated with bipolar is best approached by limiting the number of daily decisions. Having a repetitive work structure is one way of doing that.

#2 Setting realistic expectations
Try this exercise: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that will happen if I don’t complete this assignment? What’s the best thing that will happen if I do?” Reality usually lies in between the best- and worst-case scenarios.

#3 Celebrating your wins
Instead of rushing from one task to the next when you’re energized, it’s essential to pause and celebrate when you accomplish something.

#4 Taking more breaks
Develop specific practices that will help you relax. For example, take up a hobby: yoga, gardening, or painting. Better yet, plan a vacation — even if it’s a staycation.

#5 Asking for support when you need it
This is the oldest piece of advice there is when it comes to managing bipolar. It might be more challenging to connect with friends and family during lockdowns, but it’s more important than ever that you try.

Let’s do what we can around bipolar and find a way to work that allows for stability in our finances, relationships, and life overall. Please remember that all people with severe health conditions must find this work/life balance. We must find a way to work while also working on our health.

Let’s celebrate when we get things done!