I haven’t been diagnosed with bipolar for a long time.
It happened in October 2018 after a psychotic episode which I describe in detail in this blog. Since then, I’ve embarked on a long journey toward recovery. The first 6 months were hell. My body was slowly adapting to lithium, and my mind was clearly unhappy with the diagnosis. I sunk into a deep depression, or as I liked to call it, melancholia. My future seemed bleak and uncertain. Would I manage to get over this funk? Would I ever return to my previous mental cognition and skill level? Would I be able to hold down a job and thrive again? So many things felt uncertain and unknown. A year has passed, and as you can see from my year in pixels, I’ve been doing pretty well. The minute I accepted my diagnosis, I started doing everything I could to learn more and understand what bipolar disorder is. I read books, subscribed to blogs, and navigated the online environment of forums and discussion boards. I was educating myself because knowledge is power. In the face of adversity, I chose to be brave. The more I learned, the less fearful I was. This was a manageable illness. I could win this battle with the right medical team, the proper medication regimen, the right therapy, and the right support system. I could thrive despite my illness. As the days went by, I started thinking my bipolar was less of an illness and more of a secret weapon. Because I am more vulnerable to mood swings, I spent more time exploring positive psychology and mindfulness. I wanted to try every tool in the box that could help me face potential swings. I was not afraid to say I might be more vulnerable to something just because I have bipolar. I was secretly proud because my vulnerability made me stronger in facing challenges. I still have so much more to learn. I’m taking an online course on positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. I’m now doing therapy once a week instead of twice a month. The journey inward has just begun, and there’s so much more to learn. I haven’t come out to the world because I’m bipolar. Unfortunately, I live in a society where mental illness is frowned upon, and little information is available to educate the masses. Whenever I meet an old friend, I come out to them and tell them my recovery story. It’s not easy and certainly not ideal, but it has worked so far. That’s why this blog is anonymous. My act of bravery on this World Bipolar Day is to use my anonymous voice to shed light on the intricacies of bipolarity and to say that stability is possible amidst uncertainty.
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AuthorI was born in 1986 in Lebanon. I'm still trying to find my passion in life and in the meantime I'm learning to navigate my bipolarity and redefining stability. Archives
February 2024
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